


The Burbank “Medium One” of 2015

by wneleh



Category: Rhett & Link
Genre: Earthquakes, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-29
Updated: 2015-07-29
Packaged: 2018-04-11 21:12:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4452548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wneleh/pseuds/wneleh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I've been wanting to drop a building on Link and Rhett (mostly Link) for months now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Burbank “Medium One” of 2015

**Author's Note:**

> There are many inaccuracies here; for one thing, I don't think either Rhett or Link Vine. Also, I play fast and loose with geophysics.

The Burbank “Medium One” of 2015

Their first real California earthquake, the Burbank “Medium One” of 2015, hit almost exactly like Link had predicted it would: as a seventeen inch strike-slip, right through their studio, right between Link’s legs. _GMM Idea #21,201: Is Link Magical?_

Retrofit all you want, there’s not much you can do if the ground – well, not opens up, hello, this is California, this is the Pacific plate going counter-clockwise (if Rhett remembered correctly) and the North American plate just hanging out waiting for subduction to start back east – the point is, buildings are built to withstand shaking, not rending. _GMM Idea #21,202: Will It Earthquake?_ _GMM Idea #21,203: Whose Fault Is It Anyway?_

They wouldn’t even have been in the studio past nine Ear Biscuiting if Link hadn’t gotten hooked on painting cats – not paintings OF cats, no, on cats that painted - and uncovered that one Ms. Matilda Long, a Pasadenian night-owl cat lady, had recently abandoned her sixteen million followers on her Kat Artiste Instagram in favor of a listserv managed out of Australia, augmented by paper distributed via mail. The best – really, the only two decent - minutes of the interview had been when Link had tried to explain zines to her. _GMM Idea #21,204: Our First Zines._ Scratch that, _Lorhetta and Linkita’s._ Mostly Rhett had dug into her childhood on the mean streets of La Jolla, while Link had fiddled with a paintbrush, trying to hold it like a cat might. _GMMore Idea #27,713: Why Cats Don’t Conduct Orchestras Or Do Much Real Calligraphy Of Any Sort Whatsoever._

Not five minutes after Rhett had seen Ms. Matilda to the door, then returned to where Link sat rifling through his notes, there’d been a bang, then a crack, and then one wall had kind of crumped toward them, then another’d started to cave down, and then the lights went out, and Rhett had realized that maybe the best place to be would be _under_ , as opposed to _at_ , the Round Table of Dim Lighting… 

The shaking and collapsing and roaring and, Rhett was pretty sure, screaming in terror by the both of them, had ended pretty quickly… 

And now they were huddled, in the dark, in a space no bigger than your standard monster truck tire. _GMM Idea #21,205: Suffocation – Does It Happen Slowly, Or All At Once? Let’s Find Out!_

In an instant, Link had his iPhone out, shining the flash straight into Rhett’s eyes. _GMM Idea #21,206: Six Annoying Ways iPhones Have Changed the World._

“Cool it with that thing,” Rhett said, pushing Link’s hand down. “You hurt?”

But that was a stupid question, because now the flash was shining downward, and Link was lifting up his t-shirt, and Rhett could see the handle of that ridiculous paintbrush protruding from Link’s abdomen, surrounded by a dark red ring. Blood, of course. 

Which meant the brush had to have entered through his back.

 _GMM Idea #21,207: Puncture Wounds – What NOT to do._ Actually, that was more of a GMMore, but, once tagged, Rhett let things be.

 _GMM Idea #21,208: Should Link Really Be That Color?_ No, more like, _Can You Make A White Guy Turn Even Whiter?_ Or, _Seventeen Colors Your Friends Should Never Turn._

_GMM Idea #21,209: How Vital ARE Those Vital Organs?_

Link, who’d taken the same first aid classes as Rhett, kept his hands away and collapsed slowly and silently onto his other side. 

“Yeah, okay,” said Rhett, “Let me see if there’s an easy way out.” Using his own iPhone, and an app that cast a larger, more diffuse, beam ( _GMM Idea #21,210: Did You Know That There Are Over A Thousand Flashlight Apps For The iPhone? Written by Nerds Aged 5 to 95_ ), Rhett surveyed their immediate surroundings. Much of the space had collapsed in on them, but they weren’t so much buried as enveloped in heap of assorted construction materials. There was plenty of space, plenty of air. There’d been a lot of building above them, but that building had been a whole lot of empty space.

Rhett suspected that unhurt, with a clear goal, and with light sources they didn’t have to use their hands to hold, they’d be able to scramble up and through and out. But, as long as Link was imitating a pin cushion for paint brushes (brush cushion? Was that a thing?), they weren’t going anywhere.

“We’re staying put for a while,” he said, and was profoundly grateful that Link didn’t ask for details.

When he ducked back under the table, he found Link still playing with his iPhone. “I just texted our wives,” he said in answer to Rhett’s raised eyebrow. 

“We still have cell service?”

“Everybody’s fine; the epicenter’s right here, obviously. Christy says they’re still trying to decide if it was a shallow quake, or a deep gas explosion, or a really ambitious water main break.”

“They don’t know?”

“It only happened four minutes ago, man. Also, I posted a Vine.”

“What?” Rhett opened his app and, sure enough, there it was, nearly 200 frames starting at the paintbrush (front and back) and ending on Link’s alarmed face, titled, “Suffering For Art.” 

“I think maybe we could do one with you jumping around on some of the acoustic tile that fell,” said Link. “You know, Dancing On the Ceiling.”

“There’s really not room…”

“Then maybe just…”

“No!”

Rhett looked around for something soft, then took off his hoodie. Link didn’t complain when Rhett lifted up his head and placed it under; then Rhett settled next to him, slouching a little against a table leg and a bit of wallboard that had been thrown against it, and texted Jessie, “Link’s hurt, make sure someone knows we’re in the studio still.” 

Her response was instant: “DUH” followed by “I saw his Vine” followed by “Love to you both.” 

_GMM idea 21,211: Moving Last Texts and Tweets_.

Above them, something shifted, and Rhett reached for Link’s hand and grasped it, hard, then turned off his iPhone. It hadn’t been fully charged when they’d started their interview with Ms. Matilda; no sense in wasting power. 

Another rumble, followed by something falling – dust, or acoustic tile bits, or…

“Watch that be asbestos,” Link said. 

_GMM idea 21,212: Ten Surprising Ways Buildings Have Killed People._

“Just our luck,” said Rhett.

Link squeezed his hand. “Ya know, we HAVE been pretty lucky,” he said; then, “You’ll be okay, right? You’ll take care of everybody?”

“No way in hell,” said Rhett. “And, yes, of course.”

It wasn’t until Link had fallen asleep ( _GMM idea #21,213: When To Keep An Accident Victim Awake, And When To Just Let The Poor Dude Sleep_ ) that Rhett allowed himself to run a hand through Link’s hair, then come to rest just below Link’s jaw, to feel his pulse slow to a steady 50-60 beats/minute; his own heart was still hammering.

It was audacious to engage with the Almighty about the details of the churnings of a slowly cooling planet. “Strength and wisdom, that’s all I ask,” he murmured. 

He had no sense that he’d fallen asleep himself until he was startled awake by the sound of heavy machinery. “Hey,” he said, shaking Link very, very gently. “Cavalry’s here; you’re about to be asked the same questions a hundred times, you might as well be awake for it, make it easier on everyone.”

Link opened an eye, then curled in more and grasped his wrists in front of his stomach, still avoiding the paint brush. “I… damn….”

“Hurts, eh?”

“Noticed, did you?”

“You wanna sit up a little?”

“No.”

Of course Stevie was with the first responders. “I had to tell them where to dig,” she explained.

Link murmured something about her looking for a raise, which only Rhett picked up. Rhett hoped. “He’s…” Rhett tried to explain but Stevie had his arm and was pulling him away and out onto the sidewalk and into a hug. Rhett clung to her; suddenly it was very hard not to cry. 

“Don’t worry, they saw the Vine. Everyone on the planet’s seen the Vine,” she said.

“Should have put it up on Youtube.”

“Yeah, well, maybe tomorrow,” she said.


End file.
